Learn more about what it means to be a Christian

I want to talk to you about a friend of mine this morning. I know that it is not polite to talk about other people in public, but our Scripture this morning forces me to do so. I’m sure you know my friend, although some of you may not know him as well. On the other hand, some of you may know him better than I do. He has befriended all of us at some point in our lives, and he always stands ready at any time we need him to step in and make us feel better, much like a child’s pacifier.

I am talking about our friend, resentment.

He lurks around in the shadows of our lives, ready to step in at every disappointment, every hurt feeling, and every perceived injustice that we experience. He gives us ideas about how we can make ourselves feel better, but in the end resentment is not a very good friend.

The sons of Jacob give us a picture of resentment in our text this morning. Join me as I read their story.

Joseph’s brothers give a complete portrait of resentment and its effect. They clearly resent much about their brother Joseph and that resentment brings out the worst in them.

Obviously, this plot to kill Joseph is not a spontaneous reaction to his presence. Joseph’s brothers have carefully nursed their resentment over an extended period of time in order to get to this point. They have their reasons; Jacob clearly favored Joseph over all of his other sons (v.4), Joseph tattled on his brothers, (v.2), and then Joseph kept having these crazy dreams about how his brothers and parents would someday bow down to him. Joseph was becoming harder to take. His brothers were jealous of him (v. 11) and hated him so much that they could not speak to him on friendly terms (v. 4). Their resentment was well-fed.

There is an old legend of a Cherokee chief telling his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego."

"The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked, "Grandfather, which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee chief simply replied, "The one you feed."

Resentment has dined splendidly on the hatred and jealousy of Joseph’s brothers. So much so that they barely hesitate when the suggestion is made that they get rid of him, they just disagree on how to get it done. Ann Landers once wrote that, "Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head." They have rehearsed their hatred of Joseph so often in their minds that they are convinced that getting rid of him will solve their problem.

But that’s the danger of resentment. He fools us into thinking that our problem is solved when he only leads us to greater problems. That way, he can keep hanging around. If our problems were really solved, we would not need him any more. You see, resentment encourages us to take a short-term actions that might make us feel better for the moment, but in the long run only increase our pain. Someone defined resentment by saying, "Resentment is like accidentally cutting your hand with a knife and then deciding to avenge yourself by stabbing the other hand."

That’s what Joseph’s brothers do. Now they have to go home and attempt to console their father after telling him a lie. Their father refuses their comfort. They have to live with their guilt, which becomes evident later in Genesis when they confess that they saw the distress in Joseph’s eyes when he pleaded with them, but they refused to listen. For many years they live looking over their shoulders, wondering when their own day of reckoning will come. They may have felt better when Joseph was riding off with the Ishmaelites, but the good feeling did not last. Even when they meet Joseph again years later, they are certain that retribution will come.

That’s the way that resentment works. It’s like being stuck in the mud, and continuing the spin your wheels in a vain effort to free yourself, only to become more stuck.

The other thing that resentment does to Joseph’s brothers is that it blinds them to their father’s joy. Their hatred and jealousy for Joseph kept them from understanding the delight that Jacob took in his son. Unable to cope with Jacob’s favoritism, the brothers live in the disappointment that their father approves of them less than he does of Joseph. When they are faced with this horrible decision about what to do with their brother, they never think about what this will do to Jacob.

In fact, they faintly worry about their own consciences when they decide to sell Joseph into slavery rather than murder him, or leave him in the pit to die. After all, "he is our brother, our own flesh." If they feel that way toward Joseph, how do they think Jacob will feel? It never occurs to them to recognize the qualities that exist in their brother, and help him learn how to be a better man. Would that not please their father even more?

And where it the God whom they worship in the midst of all of this? Do they ever stop to wonder how He will feel about all of this? Their resentment blinds them to any consideration of God’s will, or His purpose, or His desire. Resentment causes us to focus so completely upon our own hurt that we lose sight of how God might be at work.

Of course, after a long period of personal growth, Joseph models the opposite behavior of his brothers. Having long forsaken the friendship of resentment, Joseph embraces his brothers in forgiveness, recognizing the joy of finding what he had once lost.

Resentment robs us of the joy of what we already possess. It lies to us, telling us that we deserve better, and, worst of all, that it can fix our problem. Ultimately, resentment only makes our problems worse.

Over the last few years, despite a strong economy, people find great pleasure in cheating the system to get as much as they can for as little as possible. People are roaring through toll booths without dropping coins in baskets, leaving restaurants without paying the bill and self-upgrading from coach to first-class airline seats.

With rising fuel prices gas stations have seen a significant increase in the amount of money lost from people who drove away from pumps without paying, and restaurants report an increase in theft of everything from silverware to bottles of wine.

The irony is that most of these people could easily afford to pay for what they steal, but feel they have the right to take things in retribution for high prices or poor service. Some resent what they feel is the raw end of the deal in the economic boom and want to take what they can. The irony, of course, is that eventually hurts the overall economy.

Resentment keeps us from enjoying the opportunities that we have, always suggesting that we deserve better. The real problem with resentment is that he is like a friend who holds a bad influence on us. When we hang around with him, we can never show the best side of ourselves. As long as resentment hangs around, we can never truly be the kind of people who carry the good news.

The seeds of our resentment are numerous: hurt feelings, disappointments, opportunities lost, failures, some wrong done to us, things that other people have that we don’t, things other people get to do that we can’t, or perhaps our own laziness or lack of ambition causes us to resent the success of others.

You name it, resentment can take any negative feeling and whip it up into a good batch of bitterness, or hatred, or depression. For the Christian, the real problem with resentment is that it never allows us to show the best side of ourselves, it always shows the worst.

I suppose that is one of the reasons that Paul said that we should dwell on things that are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good reputation, excellent, and praiseworthy. Those are things that bring out the best in us.

I have a question for you, which side of your nature do you feed? The side that brings out the worst, or the side that brings out the best?

Don’t let resentment hang around because he will never let you show your best side.

Click here to respond to this sermon.